Chapter Four
Where is Amnesty International - When You Need Them?
The next day Craig and Zita went to a shopping centre for some final present investigations. They had been in the place for about half an hour and were passing a small book store when they both heard a small cry of anguish and turned in the direction of the sound. There, to their horror was an Animeaux, hung by one arm over a pile of tatty Christmas wrapping. It was hard to see amongst the unfeeling shoppers but it looked like an alligator to Craig. It had a “Reduced 50%! - Today Only!!” sign nailed to it.
“Jeeesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph! What a disgusting thing to do. Torture a poor Animeaux, in public and at Christmas time.” cried Zita, “And to belittle it by attaching a “Reduced This Day Only” sign is inexcusable. Do we have any small arms in the Nova or should we return home for some concussion grenades and the Sten?” she asked Craig with some glee - “Now where is Amnesty International when you need them, off at some rock concert I bet.”
“No, we don’t have anything with us” Craig said with some surprise, “And it would take too much time to go home, from the looks of it I don’t think that it will last that long; it’s pretty far gone, look at its eyes. Quick ransom it before a monstrous tragedy occurs.”
Zita rushed into the store and holding a credit card to the jugular of the first dissipated sales clerk she came across, she had the alligator taken down. The cruel wire and sign were promptly removed and the monetary transaction conducted before anyone really knew what was happening.
Outside Craig pulled the plastic bag up over the Animeaux’s head to hide it and they sauntered over to a small café were they ordered café au lait and croissants. Craig peeled the bag down and started to rub the wounded arm while the alligator was still in a swoon. He then held a fresh croissant under its nose to revive it. Slowly it started to thrash its tail and to roll its eyes, he gave it some coffee, “I wish Callum was here to give us some advice” he said, “I am not very up on my Animeaux first aid.”
The alligator gave a small start, “You recognize me?” He said with some unease.
“Why yes. We have several of your kind living with us as sort of house guests. A pair of Royal Rhinosasaurises, a rather pugnacious Lion and bevy of TeddyBears and Pigs.”
At this the alligator passed out again and they decided to get him home for Callum’s attentions and advice.
When they arrived, Callum was delighted - “A patient, and in serious condition it appears from the rather greenish pallor of his hide....”
Before Zita could say anything he said, “I know, I know he is an alligator and is supposed to be green - this is a example of some doctor’s humour used to lighten the serious atmosphere that surround most incipient tragedies.”
No one could ever accuse Callum of not thoroughly reading his text books you see. Haemish said,
“That’s all well and good but your books aside Callum, can you save him?”
“Well his stuffing seems to be intact, and he is at room temperature. The arm is going to have a mark where some of his plush has been was worn away, but otherwise he seems alright. His recovery from this all too typical trauma is now really up to him.”
Callum was becoming quite proficient at being a doctor it seemed.
When the alligator awoke he was firmly established in the book case, sitting comfortably on the shelf where Beauregard, BT-McG. Haemish and Callum lived. His arm was in a sling, his jacket was freshly washed and pressed. Zita had even given him a thorough vacuuming and a special application of Scotch Guard.
When he looked down all the TeddyBears, and most of the Queen’s Own Pigs were on the bed below watching the replays of Victory at Sea. They found it very exciting, even if they already knew who won. The Dragons made a point of always coming up for the battle of Midway. They loved the flying scenes.
They had all the pillows arranged in a big half circle, with a plate of shortbread and a tub of caramel dip in the centre. The TeddyBear with the Red Toque noticed the alligator stirring and walked over to edge and climbed on to the white cabinet and scaled the various partitions until he was level with the second shelf, holding on to the upright he swung over to the shelf.
“Are you doing fine now? Glad to see you awake.” He bent down and called out “Hey down there, use the headphones please.” He turned back to the alligator.
“We are very grateful to you for being Callum’s first patient, if you hadn’t ‘av made it, would have set his confidence back a great deal, I think, and ours too I guess. Can I get you anything, at all? -- How about a goose berry ice-cream and peanut butter on rye bread.”
“Ah well a small glass of soup and a straw would be appreciated.”
The TeddyBear picked up the phone and called down to the experimental all digital phone that sometimes worked in the dining room. The Colonel answered, “Colonel - it’s me up here, do you think we could get some soup in a glass sent up for, for.... I don’t know his name, the wounded alligator.”
“Right-Oh. I’ll order some sent up from the commissary right away and General Clay will bring it up in a few moments. He wants to say hello anyway”
The TeddyBear returned to the shelf, “Sorry to bother you but Callum said if you woke I was to take your temperature and write it down in his note book.”
“I quite understand that,” said the newcomer “But there are some things I don’t understand. Where am I? Who is the Colonel? Who is Callum? Who are you? And who were the two Peoples who rescued me?”
“Well I am - me I suppose. All the others call me the TeddyBear with the Red Toque, I haven’t told anyone my naming name, it’s far too secret. The Colonel is my good friend; he understands all about the Magic of Names; he has several himself. You know he is the Colonel commanding the entire Fourth Animeaux Brigade that all live here. Callum is of course Callum McCallum, one of the Rhinosasaurises. He has started up medical school, and is the very one who fixed up your arm. He lives up here with his quite famous brother Haemish-Mór. Haemish-Mór and the Colonel are great friends and often stay up all night reminiscing about lots of things, especially about Lufthansa rescue missions and night maneuver with the SAS. Now the two Peoples who rescued you are Craig and Zita. They are out doing more shopping. They live here too.”
“Where is here?” said the alligator, trying to peer out the front bedroom window. The TeddyBear replied “Well to be sure I really don’t know. I have never asked, don’t much care actually, it is where it is and I am here.”
At this time the Dragon appeared with a tall glass of tomato soup and a glass straw. He landed on top of the shelves and handed the soup, wrapped in a blue napkin, to the TeddyBear.
“A good and pleasant day to you sir” he said bowing from the waist, “May I present myself - Private Smith at your service, though you can call me Rhome Clay if you wish. It seems as if Callum’s handiwork has put you well on the road to recovery - that pleases me muchley. I am sure you will be glad to know that The Colonel has gone straight to DefCon Four and we are in the midst of planning a surgical strike against that charnel house that so mistreated you. Sometime around three of this AM. we shall slip into that store and remove their entire stock of Sports Illustrated Calendars, and then we are to liberally place copies of the “Mayor of Casterbridge” in covers of Jackie Collins’s books. This should not only irredeemably damage them financially, but will also serve to drive them insane trying to vainly explain to customers why that old Furmity Woman doesn’t do cocaine and methyl-hydrate. Must be off now, see you anon.”
The alligator looked a little startled, “I have never before met a Dragon with names like Smith or even Rhome Clay. Usually they have rather un-pronounceable words or exotic colours for names.”
The TeddyBear said “Well that’s true for sure. He won’t tell you what his real naming name is either. A tradition with Dragons I hear. Do you have a name? Or is it a secret too? “
“At that store they called me - That Stuffed Crocodile. I don’t remember them giving me any other name. Now I have nothing against crocodiles mind you, but I have always thought if they had only known that I really was an Alligator I would have been placed with a nice household soon after my arrival and they would not have abused me so, and then I would not have suffered the shame at being REDUCED 50%.”
A small flood of tears swept down his face and he leaned back into the shadows so that no one else would notice.
The TeddyBear put his small paw on the alligator’s leg and said softly, “Not to worry. Craig helped Callum get his new name and I am sure that he would graciously extend that same assistance to you also. If you want it that is. He is very kind to all the Animeaux, even when BT-McG has to stay up late to watch the old movies on pay television, and falls to sleep even before they start. Or when the Rhinosasaurises need help early on a Saturday morning, finding all their ski equipment before Haemish-Mór’s girlfriend picks them up.
Zita even has made us new spiffy clothes when we bought the Italian edition of Vogue magazine to her, circled with our favourite choices. She always says that she is even nicer to us then Craig, but we have noticed that she doesn’t share the cookies as much, and she really doesn’t like us to make peanut brittle and chocolate sauce parfaits, especially after midnight; Craig says its OK by him. Before Zita came they always used to have used pizza with red chutney and maple syrup for breakfast, but regretfully that has all stopped now.”
The thought of such culinary delights improved the mood of the alligator exceedingly, and he took a sip of soup.
The TeddyBear looked out the window and said, “Here comes Haemish, Callum, Beauregard and BT-McG back from their shopping - in a taxi!”
This caused some amount of discussion down bellow, muttering about the fat of the land and whose money is it, could be heard.
A few moments later when the four of them strolled into the room the TeddyBear with GreenFeet said, “’Tis sure a nice t’ing to be carried around in taxis on cold winter days, would you be explaining it to the likes of us who are used to walking from here to there.... and back.”
Beauregard was hanging up his hat when he turned and said “Not to fret your poor selves. Our taxi ride was subsidized by Miss. Tanya. We met her downtown at the Holt Renfrew store and she was ever so concerned that poor Haemish was going to catch a cold, ‘cause he had forgotten his scarf and had left his boots at home that she gave BT-McG enough money for us to take a taxi home.”
Callum snickered. Haemish tripped him and then he pushed Beauregard face down onto the bed when he started to laugh, “She is concerned about my health you know. I am not as young as the rest of you, and I am used to far warmer climates. The truth is - all of you are green-jealous, and it is of no interest to me at all!” he said stomping out of the room and entering the den, closing the door with a flourish.
“Speaking of green, how’s my patient doing?” asked Callum changing the topic for his brother’s sake. He hopped up on the bed and over to the shelves, “You seem to be doing pretty well. How’s the arm?”
The alligator replied that it was not as sore as it once was and that he grateful for all the assistance and consideration that Callum had shown him.
“Oh it was nothing and I needed the practice - especially since all the rest of them are too frightened to allow me to help when they have fallen ill.” He said pointedly.
The TeddyBear with the Red Toque, diplomatically changing the subject again, said that the alligator didn’t have a name and since Callum had the same problem perhaps between them they could discover a name before Christmas. Having a good name for Christmas was very important for all the Animeaux. They worked on the conviction - no name, no presents.
“I think we should call on Beauregard, as he is most certainly worldly wise and may well be able to help.” Callum looked down to where Beauregard was just now untangling himself from the covers “If you can spare a minute from vanquishing the bed linen we could use yourself up here.”
A moment or so later Beauregard appeared and introduced himself. Callum explained the problem, and the four of them sat down to muddle the problem through.
“Alligator, alligator, hmmm - have you ever seen the drawings of Animeaux by that Albert Durer, he did some very nice pictures of us many years ago. I think there is one of an alligator, if it is the one I remember it is really quite nice, though much rougher looking than yourself as I recall. A quite spectacular Rhinosasauris also.”
“Now what about Albert as a name; Albert Alligator?”
The Alligator said “Well I rather like the Albert part but Albert Alligator, well it’s a bit Hollywood and the initials aren’t too propitious.”
“I agree” said Callum “Far too much alliteration, but the concept is sound. Let’s see; you are much too sociable to be an Albert Dour, how about Albert Garter?”
“Too cute” said the TeddyBear “Grator - perhaps Albert Grator - that makes a pretty sound name, or is it a sound that makes a pretty name?” He pondered this for a while.
“Albert Grator, actually that rather suits me said the erstwhile alligator, Mister Al Grator, Sir Alphonse Albert Grator, it sounds pretty fine to me. What do we do to make it official?”
“Don’t really know, not much I suspect, I can make a big notice with the computer downstairs and we can put it on the refrigerator door where all will see it, if you wish.”
“That’s very kind of you. It was very kind of all of you, I don’t know how to thank you. I have no resources and I know that Christmas is right around the corner and I have nothing to repay all of your kindness especially for my new name.”
The Big White TeddyBears rumbled, “It’s not much of a problem, we have enough presents for everyone to give something to everyone else several times over, as far as I can tell. We have certainly spent enough time on it for you to share in our bounty - Craig and Zita won’t mind.
By the way are you fellows going to invite Mister Grator to go to the festivities in Toronto with you?”
“Dear Heavens I forgot all about it.... I am sure there is enough room. Haemish! Haemish! Come here please!”
At once Haemish came thumping into the room, “You called?”
“Haemish, I forgot we are going to Toronto tomorrow, and I never asked about inviting Mr. Albert Grator along. Do we have the room? Will the Nova take the extra passenger? Will there be any room in Toronto, what about in Ste. Catherine’s? Will they all think us impolite and ogreish-ly pushy?”
By this time Albert was getting very concerned by the situation. Like all the Animeaux he had a horror of imposing himself and he was about to suggest that he would go to “Y” or the Salvation Army, when Zita came into the room.
“Callum what’s all the excitement?”
“Oh Miss Zita. I am afraid that I have been very remiss. I got so caught up in my first patient that I forgot to suggest that our new companion accompany us to Toronto for the Christmas, I fear that I might be the cause of a grave social faux pas.”
“Well I wouldn’t worry about it a smidgen, we already assumed that the alligator would come with us. After all he has been through it’s the least we could do.... Now I have some presents here that have to be signed, where have you put all the pens?”
She got out the long box with the Chocolate train in it and BT-McG wrote.
”Dear Craig,
We TRIED - TRIED - TRIED FOR A PARTICULAR Present for you but the Lady in the Store said no matter what way we counted the money we still Didn’t have enough... SO.... we decided (WELL Zita - Callum did) THAT MAYBE we could get you a reminder of what we actually wanted to get you.... If you know what we mean. (Zita said you would but Dugal wasn’t quite sure)
Anyway, HOPE you like it & if you can’t manage, we are all very good scouts - will help.
Lots of Love and Kisses for Christmas
HAEMISH, CALLUM, BT-McG, Bo-Regards, Colonel D, the
Dragoons, PIGS and TEDDIES.” (sic)
Zita looked at BT-McG’s writing and syntax thinking “It’s the spirit that counts” and thanked them all. She was about to ask if the alligator would like to sign - but she stopped her self afraid to embarrass him since he was without a name.
Seeing her confusion the Alligator said “It’s all right Miss Zita I have received a proper name today. From now on I am Albert Grator Esq.”
“Oh that’s wonderful, and fortunately in time for Christmas, won’t you come down and sign the present too?”
“If you don’t mind I would not like to sign my name for the very first time taking credit for something I really did not do. But I am so pleased that you asked. Next year for sure.”
“Holy St. Joseph. They could drive me to distraction with their sense of honour. They might as well all be from County Mayo, if you ask me.” she said, slightly to herself, as she went downstairs.
A couple of minutes later Craig came into the room, with his assorted boxes, “Got your little fingers all ready for some exercise; as I need some signatures on these presents before we pack them away for the trip?”
This galvanized the five Animeaux, who spent the rest of the day packing. They made Beauregard leave his tope brocade tuxedo at home, figuring their morning suits would be more then sufficient for any unexpected eventualities. Packing the top hats took more time then expected, and the TeddyBears helped polish the silver handles of the Malacca canes. No one wanted them to let the side down with any sort of outré appearance you see.
By eleven of the night of the night before Christmas most every thing was done. The presents wrapped and signed, the cameras chosen, the tapes for the journey selected, and the traveling ensembles picked out. To everyone’s dismay Craig decided to wear his jeans and one of his numerous black T-shirts with the aeroplanes on the front and back. Beauregard insisted on wearing his “Saints” cap, but it was Christmas and what could be done.
Chapter Five
The Christmas Trip and Home Again.
The next morning, after a quick spot of croissants and jam, they all assembled at the back door and wished each other a very merry Christmas. The stockings had been filled with presents for all those who were staying home, with Colonel Dugal in charge of a fair and equitable distribution. They sang a few verses of “Once in Royal David’s City” “The Holly and The Ivy” and “Il est Né Le Devin Enfant” just to get everyone into the spirit of things and then they commenced to load the Nova.
When they were finished, the back seat was filled to the top of the front seats with presents. It was disgusting and all were as pleased as punch. A heavy blanket was spread on top of all the extravagances and the Animeaux sat on it, arranging themselves so that everyone had a window seat and could stretch their legs out.
Then they were off - to the bagel store on Richmond Road. The Animeaux thought being snowbound was a distinct possibility and wanted some emergency rations - just in case. Naturally they were all gone before they had reached Collins Bay and the blanket was covered in sesame seeds, causing no end of grumbling when they all tried to curl up for a quick nap.
They arrived in Toronto four and a half hours later and trooped en mass into the house in the Park. Merry Christmases and big hugs were exchanged all round. The Christmas tree was barricaded with even more presents, until it disappeared from view. Craig and Haemish passed on the Colonel’s seasonal greetings and fraternal best wishes to the Commodores Festis and Wallace; Dugal’s two cousins who had retired from the Royal Navy’s Special Boat Squadron, and lived with the Toronto side of Craig’s family.
Several hours of laughter later everyone sat down for a far too large Christmas Eve dinner, to give them all the energy to attend the Christmas services and compulsory caroling. All that is -with the exception of Craig, Callum, Haemish-Mór, BT-McG and the two Badgers. The recalcitrant few sat around the fireplace, told stories of lost treasures and lost loves, of the Archfiend Argyle, the despicable Campbell hosts, of the Great Fingal of the night mists. They put sprigs of the Holly in their drinks before making their toasts, and then they gave their very best wishes to all those who had come before and were no more.
By eleven they were all quite content, if a little sad remembering bygone days and departed friends and family. But it was very Celtic, and naturally they were all very pleased with themselves. Near to twelve everyone else returned home and they sat around the fire listening to Christmas music and eating fattening things, covered in chocolate.
By two in the morning they were all asleep. A scant four and a half hours later they were awakened by Craig’s niece, Miss Julia, who insisted that they all get up and dressed so that the presents could be disgorged from their wrapping. They spent the next several hours unwrapping stuff, stuff here and there, and more stuff and then even more stuff.
At one point they lost Beauregard in a pile of Holt’s boxes and Albert and Callum had to call for an emergency halt, until Monsieur Lyon was retrieved, startled but none the worse for wear. Mere minutes later BT-McG got a slight singe when he stamped out a small ember from the fireplace that threatened to ignite the 20 cubic metres of paper and wrapping that littered the room. Fortunately George had some exceptional brandy at hand, which, as BT-McG explained readily, abated the pain, if the outside of bottle was held against the outside of the burn, while the insides of the self same bottle was placed against the insides of the burn. He and George then went looking for more embers to stomp on.
Since they had received more presents then even Callum could imagine, and it took many hours of planning to arrange it so that there was room for Craig’s mom in the car for the drive to Ste. Catherine’s. It was generally conceded that Christmas was, as usual a great success. And as usual decided that it should be toned down next year. They all had their pictures taken for the relatives all over the world and said their good-byes. Then they piled into the Nova and drove to Craig’s mom’s house where they spent a few days recovering from the surpluses of everything and installing all the stereo equipment in the family room and sorting out family belongings left over from her move. They all staggered out of the house loaded down with even more loot and repacked the Nova on the second day past Christmas and drove back to Ottawa. By the time they reached Kingston they were in a snowstorm and certain regrets were expressed about Christmas being over, and that all the bagels had been eaten on the way down, but they got home with out further incident, aside from a slipping fan belt, which was no ones fault.
When they entered their home, all the lights on the Christmas tree were on and the entire population of Animeaux was waiting for the travelers in the living room, with Dugal’s special Christmas eggnog and slices chocolate cake a la mode. They sang more Christmas carols, “Ooh-ed and Ahhh-ed” at each others presents, said their respective thanks for the bounty and agreed that they had, all in their own ways, a wonderful time, each and everyone of them.
(While they were away a package had arrived marked special delivery. It contained new Rossignol skis and LOOK bindings for all the Animeaux. Craig was disgusted. Personally he saw Miss Tanya at the bottom of this anonymous gift.)
But after all it was Christmas and what could be done?
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