Our Story - as much of it that can be told that is... (Part six)

Chapter Three


The Soothing Balm of Christmas - And Another House Guest.

As the disappointment of the election faded and the campaign posters were taken down the Animeaux looked to the future to rid themselves of the hangover of defeat, and found much to their delight, that Christmas was on its way.

Zita had been shopping for presents for several months, as Craig and the Animeaux were very difficult people, so to speak, to buy presents for. Not only that, she had been huddling over her hot sewing machine for weeks and weeks concocting up presents for the rest of the family down south and making winter jackets for Haemish-Mór, Dugal, Beauregard and some of the more persistent TeddyBears and both Dragons.

Mac had sent the Rhinosasaurises a catalogue for do-it-your-self goose down attire, like the one Zita put together for him the year before.

Now Callum and Haemish wanted one just like that one; except for a different hood and different pockets and a new lining with perhaps, a built-in holster, in a different colour for each of them of course.

Naturally all the Animeaux were soon well into the true spirit of Christmas, and were pouring over catalogues by the hour. Not that they could afford much, the election had sorely drained their meager resources. Also they were; shall we say ‘A wee bit canny with their resources’- it was Dugal’s Highland influence thought Craig. Zita said, “They are as mean with a penny as they are with a pound.”

All this aside, they were not entirely without resources, Beauregard received some money from his relatives in Savannah and Haemish had his Mossad pension. The Colonel had all his funds tied up in Imperial Russian bonds, which he was certain would soon be redeemed.. He had ordered several catalogues on single malt Scotch in anticipation of this.

Aside from these rather tenuous riches, the Animeaux were moderately broke most of the time, which was just as well as they had no real understanding of cash flow or the ridiculous fluctuations of the Royal Rhinosasauris currency - silver champagne corks. If it were not for the income from his AT&T patents, Callum would have had a difficult time even paying the tuition for medical school.

In addition to the general confusion generated by the Christmas convolutions, Zita had damaged her hand and had to have it put in a special splint. Callum had offered to operate, but fortunately he had not got to the surgery part of the Royal Rhinosasauris Medical School’s Doctor by Mail program. Actually he had only just finished the part where you learn to look very knowledgeable while writing out prescriptions. There were always little pieces of practice prescriptions littering the back room where he sat at the desk, in front of the mirror doing his homework.

As you might expect all of them had been very busy well before the advent of Christmas had dawned on everyone. A week or so before, Craig and Zita and lot of their people friends went out to the farm at Dalkeith to chop down their own Christmas trees. They all had a very good time, though one of the young nieces broke through the ice and fell into the small stream that crossed the farm by the Dunvagan side road. She rushed back to the farm house and ran around in some rather unbecoming underwear while trying to find some warm clothing.

Zita had told all the Animeaux about these proceedings while they were decorating the Christmas tree and arranging all their stockings on the mantle piece. This gave BT-McG and Beauregard the excuse to endlessly thumb trough all the Q-O Pigs copies of Vogue and ELLE, doing research to help with the shopping. Zita was vaguely amused until she saw what they had ordered; and the price.

She said that “it” was unlikely to either protect that young lady from icy water or failing that, keep her warm. The three of them naturally disagreed, saying it was silk and everyone knew that silk kept you warm and it was black to retain the heat.

Zita responded “Why yes - and the closest the owner of this, will ever get to icy water will be in a crystal glass, mixed with some expensive scotch.” Beauregard agreed, and Zita realized that somehow she had lost this round to the Animeaux but could not quite see how.

But it was Christmas and what could be done?

Planning The Christmas Expedition

The Nova had been complaining about the stiffness of it’s joints in the morning cold; so as a Christmas treat they pooled their resources and bought it an electric heater for its oil. This seemed to make it feel much better on those frigid days when Craig had to take Haemish, Callum, BT-McG and Miss Tanya skiing.

He had a terrible time - on the way up he had to listen to them talk endlessly about wax and edges, on the way home he had to listen as they described how they did this or that or the other so much better now that they had trendier bindings or shorter skis, or springier poles.

Or better imaginations he thought to himself.

After several weeks of this, Craig made a deal, he would not object if Miss. Tanya used her Volvo wagon to transport them to and from the various ski hills, nor would he ask them to be home at a reasonable hour as long as they were careful and didn’t race the chubby little German cars that seemed to spontaneously generate around ski resorts. Haemish had promised they would be very careful, and this time they seemed to be taking his advice seriously. He noticed that when ever they went out Callum, at least, took his well cared-for 9mm Parabellum with him; just in case.

As it had been decided to spend Christmas at Craig’s sister’s house in Toronto, as this was a five hours drive away he had a long chat with the Nova and they both felt that it was up to the excursion, as long as they took the time to look at the scenery and stop for coffee and doughnuts, so that it could catch its breath.

One night, as they were watching television, BT-McG slid down from the book shelf and sat on the headboard. After a while he said “We’esse been talk’n about somet’ing. All of us. Y’know us over here”, he said swinging his arm in the prevailing direction of the bookcase, “We t’ought it would be great idea t’spend Christmas all with each other.”

“He means they all want to go to Toronto with you for Christmas.”, called out one of the Queen’s Own Pig Irregulars, who quickly retreated to the very back of the shelf.

Haemish-Mór stomped to the edge, leaned over and said “Well, you know that Callum, Beauregard, BT-McG and I are very fond of each others company, and if we can ever get BT-McG to speak properly, we might even understand most of his conversations. We thought that it would be alright to ask if it would be possible for us to accompany you to Toronto for Christmas?” he leaned lower and whispered, “It will also be Beauregard’s first Christmas away from his family so if we were all off on an adventure it might take his mind off it and he would not feel so abandoned.”

Callum said “We will all be very good and polite and I won’t offer to do open heart surgery on anyone, and we won’t let Beauregard bring his sword, just to be on the safe side.”

Craig was about to say “We’ll think about it” when he saw the looks of Pre-Christmas delight and expectation on all their faces and thought “what the hell”.

“Sure you can all come. What about all the TBears, the Q-O Pigs, Colonel Dugal and the Dragons?”

The Big White TeddyBear who doesn’t talk much said “We all would like to stay here and have the house to ourselves. It’s been a while since we could just lie around without someone wanting to do this or go there or try that or watch this..... We want to laze about for the whole time you are away, that is if you don’t mind.”

“Mind” said Zita, “That’s his favorite thing to do..... and don’t be giving him any ideas or none of us will see Christmas in Toronto.”


The Fuss Over Christmas Shopping

It was not that they had a lot of shopping to do, it was just that all the people they gave gifts to were very particular and the gifts had to be conjured up and searched out, so many expeditions were mounted roaming from one end of the City to the other. Zita usually packed a lunch as Craig tended to meander a bit on these voyages - and she had to beg and say rude things before he would stop at the chip wagons for her.

A week before they were to leave for Toronto they had still not finished the Christmas shopping. The Animeaux had asked both of them to assist in finding a suitable gift for the other. They were very particular, this and their chronic lack of funds made shopping with them difficult.

Beauregard and BT-McG wanted to give Zita some underwear, not as skimpy as the one they ordered for the chilled niece, but flattering all the same. BT-McG had cut numerous pages from the fashion magazines with the styles he approved of, Beauregard did not care so long as it was black and expensive.

Craig had to bring home numerous pairs “on approval”. The two of them were far too shy to accompany him to the lingerie section of Holt Renfrew’s.

All the other Animeaux had pooled their funds and asked Craig to find some nice leather luggage for Zita. This presented a problem; they only had 7 dollars and forty-seven cents in total. But since it was all in small change, and Animeaux are not really very big and the pile of quarters seemed quite substantial to them.

Craig tried to explain that Gucci steamer trunks were very expensive, and well, not really in fashion this decade, what with the invention of the aeroplane and all.

Callum unfortunately had a solution. In his correspondence school curriculum there was a section on accounting and health care, and basing his opinions on this he felt that Craig could write a cheque for the trunk, and if there was not enough money in their account he could add a couple of zeros to the amount. Since a zero was not worth anything this would most adroitly solve the problem.

Craig suddenly understood why the health care costs of the province had got so badly askew, but no amount of explanation seemed to sway them. Finally it was easier to give in and pay the difference himself. So he ordered a large leather haversack from a catalogue. This was a popular choice - after he explained that they could all fit in it and accompany them on picnics.

Zita was suffering the same problem. The Animeaux had all decided that Craig should have an electric train, with mountains, lighted crossings, water tanks and a whole lot of bridges. They had found a 1958 Harrods’s catalogue and discovered the one they wanted, a Lionel steam engine set - in CPR colours - for six pounds even. They changed all their money into pennies, added some sand and had six and a quarter pounds. More then enough they said, including freight charges.

As you can imagine this posed a major diplomatic dilemma for Zita.

She took the TeddyBear with the GreenFeet and his heathen friend, the TeddyBear with the Red Toque out to the antique stores with her. Her friend George, who collected pianos, model trains and foreign cars of questionable reliability, had given her the name of several stores where old Lionel trains could be acquired - for a price.

The two TeddyBears were aghast! Used toy trains costing more than perfectly wonderful, well trained, well dressed and loquacious TeddyBears. What was the world coming to?

The TeddyBear with the GreenFeet wanted to go directly to Mass, he was so upset; he finally settled for a pint of Guinness, and a plate of chips and vinegar, (well, perhaps it was two pints if the truth is very important).

When they got home and broke the news to the rest of them, there was a long silence, broken by the Big White TeddyBear, “Serves us right for letting the subscription to the Financial Times expire I suppose. Well I guess we must get all the magazines out again and find something less dear. Though what that could be I really have no idea.”

They were quite disturbed by this turn of events. They knew that no one in the house expected big or expensive presents, but it was extremely nice to find something that a friend wanted, and be able to surprise them with it. And all the Animeaux loved surprises. Zita said that she would think about this problem and see if there were any nifty things that Craig would like.

Later that night one of the Queens Own Pig Irregulars snuck down stairs and told Zita that the TeddyBears were afraid that their presents were not going to be as nice as the presents that Craig and Zita had got for them; and they were very afraid of being embarrassed.

Both Craig and Zita appreciated that the Animeaux, being just a bit different from them, tended to be very sensitive about doing the RIGHT THING, and not being thought of as too different. With this in mind, Zita sat down at the dining room table with Lance-Bombardier Pig and amidst pots of tea and hot chocolate they went over a series of possibilities that they all could afford and would be appropriate as a gift.

Together they decided to get him a chocolate train set. Both had decided that this was not only more economical, but the very thought of Craig having more stuff to collect appalled Zita. While the very idea that he might set it up in the bedroom, where it would probably run through the Q-O Pig’s Sergeant’s Mess caused certain misgivings on both their parts. They agreed that this, all in all was by far the better choice. It was decided that she and BT-McG would go to his favourite gourmet chocolate emporium on the Seventh Line Perth later that week.

Lance-Bombardier Pig looked up over his cup of hot chocolate and said that this seemed such a good idea, but perhaps, if there was a small problem in the price, that is, if it was very dear, not to tell the TeddyBears and the Q-O Pigs would cash in some of their Paris municipal bonds, to make up the difference. They had had a vote and it was to make up for the unfortunate occurrences when the Bears first moved in.

Zita was quite touched, though she said that she doubted that the difference would be so great as to require such drastic remedies. But she was sure that the TeddyBears would be very honoured that they would offer.

“Oh dear - they mus’ent know that we offered, that would spoil it!”

“Jesus, Mary and Holy St. Joseph, save us from silly pride; you are becoming almost as bad as People.” said Zita, regretting it immediately as she saw the look of horror on L.B. Pig.

“Well to be sure you’re not nearly as bad as people and certainly better then Craig”

He smiled and thanked her for all the help and then slurped down the last of his drink and put several handfuls of the Ritz cheese crackers in his athletic bag - for ‘laters’. The Silver Dragon flew up the stairs to make sure everyone was asleep before LBP snuck back upstairs.

The Dragon had to come back right away as the other Dragon and Dugal were installing spiked feet on the speakers and needed his help. The Dragons tilted the speaker back and Dugal and Craig positioned the feet. Dugal had assured Craig that all the British Hi-fi magazines had proved that this would ‘clean up the bass and improve the imaging to an astonishing degree.’

He agreed he would be astonished all right, but since he was having the old Citation power amplifier rejuvenated with new Dutch wires and German bits and pieces he thought discretion was the better part of valour, especially since Zita was still down stairs and might hear.

When he decided to have the amplifier renewed, he told her that this act was a philosophical stance - and it should please her greatly. The fact that he was prepared to expend energy, time and money to invigorate an old friend should make her feel very secure, as he was obviously not likely to replace her when she started to show signs of wear and tear. He had ducked at this point and they had not mentioned it since.

They had just finished the feet on the second speaker and were tugging on the speaker cable up when Zita came in, “Finished yet Dugal? “

The dragons were still heaving on the cable so she bent down to give them a hand, “I know, I know and I sympathize but what can be done? They are both convinced that it all makes a difference, and as a hobby its marginally cheaper then jade collecting or having sailing boats, and it certainly keeps them from getting into more serious trouble.”

Since the speaker cable was the size of a small hose all three had to give a good tug before it came free.

She looked over to Dugal and Craig, who were waiting for their soldering iron to heat up and said “This is quite silly and I am taking the Dragoons for a walk, or what ever, so we can look in everybody’s windows and see how they have decorated their homes for Christmas.” At this announcement the Dragons went looking for the wing de-icer and their down flight jackets.